I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
