He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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