the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
