My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
