Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Alive.
So much puke
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
