well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
