thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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