shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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