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sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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