I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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