i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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