you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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