consequently i now know what mace tastes like
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
