i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
