woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it glows. i had to have it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
