i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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