My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
