he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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