return my video game
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
