Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
