we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I believe in your delicious
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
