I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
