life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
