first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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