Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
