Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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