he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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