Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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