So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
