Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
