Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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