At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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