I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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