That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
