Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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