OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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