i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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