A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
