I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
