get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
