Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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