I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
