just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
