Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
