HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
