I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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