I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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