I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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