Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
