oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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