Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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