Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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