I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
