I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
