walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
