she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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