i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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