Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
