Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
