tell your sister to shave her snatch
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize