Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just forgot I was standing up.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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