You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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