Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
