you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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