If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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