You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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